Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
