I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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