I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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