She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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