I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
