Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
