So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
