I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
