You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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