Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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