How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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