i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize