Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
