Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize