Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
