She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
