After last night, I could never be a politician.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
