Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
