going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I need water and some morals
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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