In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
