Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
