WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
