Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
