Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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