if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
