I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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