You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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