my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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