No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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