the condom got lost in my hair
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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