I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
