I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
