Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
