I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Your dad touched me again.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
