It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
