You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
