I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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