Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
