We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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