Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
