You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
