he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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