Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
