Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
