i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
