Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I currently don't understand fingers.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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