This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize