I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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