My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
