finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
