This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
