Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
