My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
