The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I came so hard my ears popped.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
