FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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