his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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