Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
