this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
