Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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