some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
