My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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