; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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