The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
