He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
