do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
