You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize