Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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