nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you never un-have a 4some
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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