i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
