I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
