Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
