this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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