See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
