If you die in college, do you die in real life?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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