it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The beer is more important than you right now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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