You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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