How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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