I hate your face
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize