I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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