How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize