You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
