chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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