I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize