Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I am one with the molecules
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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