How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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