i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
