yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
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