Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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