Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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