i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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