is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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