I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Even my vagina gasped.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I AM VODKA MAN
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
