Will you blow on my dice?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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