okay pat passed out under dana's car
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
