There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
