Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
