Betty ford says i'm here all night
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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