Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
