very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
