you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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