babies were throwing up all over the place
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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