Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
