at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
