I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
