So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
