The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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