The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
